So you’re sitting there at a two-top, suffering through another awful date. The conversation is going nowhere, it’s clear that there’s zero chemistry, and the last thing you want to do is sit there for another hour until he or she offers to walk you home. So what do you do? Escaping through the back door or bathroom window and leaving your date there to pay the bill is downright cruel, but thankfully there are some ways to escape a bad restaurant date with your (and your date’s) dignity intact.
Fake an Emergency
Some people work out elaborate plans to have a friend text them after a certain window so they can claim that the text was about an emergency. But why even bother with getting an actual text? Make a sudden move for your bag or pocket as if it buzzed, act surprised, maybe fire off a quick fake text or two, claim that there’s been an emergency, get the check, and head on out.
Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and don’t come back for ten minutes or so, which will feel like hours for your date. Walk back to the table, say you’re not feeling well and need to go home immediately, and we guarantee that will be the end of the conversation.
Spill Something on Yourself
Nobody wants to go out for a nightcap with a giant stain on his or her shirt. Take one for the team and you’ll all but guarantee a swift end to the date.
Phone a Friend
If you know that some friends are nearby (if you’re at a restaurant in their neighborhood, for example), head to the restroom and give them a call. When you happen to notice them at the restaurant’s bar 15 minutes later (“What a coincidence!”), you’ll have a great reason to cut things short in order to catch up with an old friend.
If it’s clear to you that it’s just not working, it’s probably clear to your date, too. Say something along the lines of, “I don’t feel like this date is going very well. We don’t have much in common, and I don’t want to waste any more of your time,” and that should put an end to all communication.