10 Wackiest Failed Snapple Flavors (Slideshow)
There’s a reason that “piña” and “colada” are as connected in our collective unconscious as “Marco” and “Polo.” They’re impossibly delicious together and they’re the only classic version of the drink we want. This drink was born to fail.
Maybe this beverage would have done better in the post-True Blood era, but the “Tru” feels weirdly truncated, and root beer is not something we want to buy from an iced tea company. Pass.
Sometimes, before our morning cup of coffee — or after our third drink — we all get some pretty weird ideas. But most of these don’t even make it to the planning stage — much less get turned into a widely distributed, commercially available bottled beverage. While All-American and undeniably delicious, apple pie is not something we would expect to succeed in a clear liquid form. That said, this drink was surprisingly scrumptious, and it’s a shame they discontinued its production.
A guava-flavored tea would have already taken some American taste buds a minute or two to get used to, but the term “Mania” wasn’t going to make anybody more comfortable with a fruit that’s less-than-common stateside.
French vanilla, sure. We know what that means: a more custard-y vanilla ice cream preparation with specks of actual vanilla beans. We’ve got it. But French… cherry? What makes a cherry French? To paraphrase Mean Girls: Quit trying to make “French” happen, Snapple. It’s not going to happen.
Snapple, you’re trying too hard. While cactus tacos may be a yes, cactus-flavored tea is a no. Weird, thorny stalks of aloe do not need to be juiced and infused into our tea, thanks.
We have literally no idea what this is supposed to mean. What is Bali-flavored? Volcanic rock? Sunlight? Crystal-clear water? Is this name supposed to be oddly associative, in the same category as “blue raspberry?” What is going on here?
Lime tea? Yup. Green tea? Definitely. Lime… green tea? No way. The lime is way too strong for the delicate flavor of green tea, which pairs much better with equally delicate scents like jasmine.
While Samoa has a rich and delicious traditional cuisine, the highest-profile customary dishes include whole roasted pig and coconut rice. Tasty? Oh, yes. But not exactly a combination you want to put in a blender and suck through a straw.
Fun Snapple Fact: the last time anyone in the world other than Snapple made a peach melba was 1952. This fact may not be verifiable — ok, while it’s not even remotely true — the idea of taking a concept as easily marketable as “peach-flavored soda” and turning it into something as alien and antiquated-feeling as “Peach Melba Soda” seems like the weirdest marketing choice imaginable.